During times of extreme stress and uncertainty, children need a safe, stable, nurturing relationship with a caring adult. So it is time to put yourself on your list of priorities. Here are a few ways to do that…
Read MoreDo you need some space to express all the things you hate about quarantine or miss about your “old life”? Your kids may too. Here are some ideas on how to make it a productive experience!
Read MoreThis spring, let’s focus on the building blocks of resilience so that we can all emerge from the COVID-19 pandemic feeling more connected as a family and more in touch with nature and our selves.
Read MoreLots of people strive for happiness right now, or better habits as a means for achieving happiness. My view is that we have chosen the wrong target, if happiness is the goal. Why? Because it is an emotion and emotions are not constant. Because we are very bad at defining it and predicting what will make us happy. Because life is full of lots of emotions; be equipped to deal with all of them. Because the chase for happiness has become “relentless, competitive work” by self-help gurus who make it all about habits.
Instead, ground yourself in seeking meaning for your life. What are your values? How are you nurturing your closest relationships? How do you connect to the transcendent? It’s not about finding a target to aim for, but grounding yourself in the deeply important aspects of life and building from there.
Read MoreTake a little time this season to look at the traditions you've begun or continued in your family. Examine whether they are still meaningful to you or if you need to tweak them or create something new.
Read MoreWant to wake me up at curriculum night? Tell me your approach includes telling the girls they are smart!
Read MoreWhen the world around us is changing at a breakneck speed — and our children seem to be growing even faster — we need routine and consistency to stem the tide of change. Read on for concrete details regarding how to curb the potential negative impact of constant change on our children's lives.
Read MoreSeptember is a big month of change for us all, regardless of where you and your child are in terms of development. And the start of a new school year is a perfect time for resolutions and new habits. So I’m trying something new this year. Rather than resist the feeling that my kids are growing up too fast, I’ve decided to embrace the fact that Everything Changes. But what exactly does that mean?
Read MoreI conclude our series on Grit with a peek at the darkside:
In Part 3 of our 4-part series on Grit, we examine how to help our children build their capacity for deliberate practice. We look at four ways to nurture resilience, focus, and self control. Your child may not become the next great Olympian, but he or she will be armed with the skills needed to tackle the difficult things in life. Read on for more on how to nurture grit -- the passion and perseverance needed to achieve long-term goals.
Read MoreMany of us want to jump to the “toughening up” part of grit — the hard work, determination, perseverance, and resilience required.
But we neglect the foundation of grit — Passion.
Read on to learn how we stifle emerging passion and how we can nurture it.
Read MoreAre you ever concerned that your child or teenager gives up too easily or is quickly distracted away from a task or goal? Understanding the role of grit in future success and nurturing grit in your parenting may be the solution. This is the first of a 4-part series on Grit & Parenting.
Read MoreMoms of middle schoolers feel more "anxious, dissatisfied and doubtful" about their parenting compared to parents of kids at any other age. Let's examine this problem and how we can apply growth mindset to our parenting skills as we encourage our kids to do the same.
Read MoreIf we don't set an intention for how we want to face the onslaught of information, we will be easily distracted by the pinging notifications, pop up boxes, and imbedded links that vie for our attention. And when our brain is overloaded from switching from one thing to another, it gets tired and becomes even MORE susceptible to distractions. Let's look at how we can set a goal, resist the urge to multitask, and foster the important skills of focus and attention in ourselves and in our children.
Read MoreThere is something about the holidays that makes us acutely aware of our children's ability -- or failure -- to express gratitude for the gifts they receive. As a parent, I get disappointed in my children's behavior when it seems they are showered with gifts yet fail to express what I consider an appropriate level of gratitude. As a developmental psychologist, however, I realize that gratitude is a skill that is learned, and matures as our children age. It is also a skill, or practice, that is greatly influenced by our behavior as parents. As 2015 winds down and we gear up for a new year, consider how you can help cultivate your child's practice of gratitude in three concrete areas:
Read MoreHow often are we throwing our kids into the world of social media, then turning our backs and assuming they’ll figure it out on their own?
Read MoreAccess to social media and having a phone are privileges. Our kids need clear guidance, direction, rules, and consequences when they begin to navigate the world on social media. Recently we gave our daughter a phone and set up rules organized around the principles and values we want our daughter to acquire rather than just a list of do's and don'ts. I'm sharing it here in case it can be helpful to others who are contemplating how to provide support and structure and safety as their kids enter the digital world.
Read MoreI have a child who talks... a LOT. (Ok, I may have more than one who does this, but I'm not naming names -- or attributing which parent they may have gotten this from.) As a result, I have become very good at "tuning out" but am noticing that this tactic of mine will undermine a few of my goals for her, which are that she become a confident and interesting person, as well as a kind and loving person. If I ignore her observations of the world around her or her questions, she will come to believe that what she has to say is not important or worthy. If I ignore the negative things she says about herself or others, she will decide it's OK to think the worst about those we love in our life.
Read MoreHere in the Northwest, we've only got a few weeks left of summer. And this is the time I usually look at all the things I wanted to do -- origami! opening and actually working on that sushi making kit I gave my kid for Christmas! crafts! brain puzzles and math games every day! -- but haven't. I could beat myself up or work myself into a frenzy to get it all done before school starts. But that defeats the purpose of summer, doesn't it? Summer is a break from schedules and expectations, a time to get bored and hopefully creative, a few months when our kids spend more time with siblings and family and less time with peers. My desire to impose some ideal sense of what summer should be just doesn't resonate. So I'm letting them sleep in, enjoy a few more lazy days, and choose the things they want to do before they no longer have that option (OK, except for Wild Waves -- I really hate that place).
And if I feel guilty about it... well, just read the latest from Jen Hatmaker on "how to not completely lose your crap" during back-to-school season and laughter will chase all those guilt feelings away!
Oh, and sign up for a workshop! New ones this fall! It'll be fun!
I have yet to encounter a client who desires more screen time for their kids. The constant worry and struggle is when to introduce various forms of technology and how to limit children's time on these devices. Knowing that the most powerful influence on our kids is the behavior we parents model, I must turn the magnifying glass on myself. What are my screen habits? How does my use of technology affect my relationships? Why did I just spend 45 minutes (OK, an hour) on Facebook? How often do my kids see me without my phone?
Before I can effectively guide my kids toward healthy screen habits, I need to check myself. For this reason, I encourage you to join us as we take on WNYC's Bored and Brilliant project. I'll be introducing this challenge next week, May 21st, at a workshop dedicated to how we can make this summer awesome. Sign up on the right to join us in person, or follow this link to the Bored and Brilliant project's website. In my version of the project, I'll alter the week of challenges to work for both parents and kids. It may just be a brilliant way to begin your summer.
I am a developmental psychologist and mom of three lively kids. My research focuses on parenting and child development, and I share that knowledge in a simple, clear way.
I earned my Ph.D. from Columbia University and worked on numerous studies related to parenting, children, and families. I am also a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Gottman Bringing Baby Home Educator.
My current passion is working with families and schools to simplify the often puzzling world of research and tailor our current knowledge to fit your unique family and kids.
Banner images by Mi Pham, Chayene Rafaela, & Andrew Seaman on Unsplash
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