Please don't tell my daughter she is smart.

I recently attended curriculum night and observed a math teacher speaking to a room of parents. He seemed motivated and eager to help the kids master the tools they needed to succeed in math. After describing his background, he launched in to how he was planning to help them become confident in math. He wanted them to take the first stab at trying to solve a new problem at the beginning of each class. (My inner monologue in parenthesis: Nice, sounds good.) He wanted them to collaborate and work together when they encountered problems they couldn't solve. (OK, I can get into that.) He wanted them to know they are smart. (Hmmm....) In fact, when he thinks they are getting discouraged, he tells them they are smart. (Uh oh. Wrong answer. Now I'm worried and must summon all my inner self control to keep my mouth shut.)

Why does this concern me? Unfortunately for this teacher (or fortunately, if you believe as I do in the power of the brain to change and grow), I am a developmental psychologist and a huge fan of Carol Dweck and her research on growth mindset. And if there is one thing you learn from Dr. Dweck, it's that it is a pretty bad idea to tell a child that he/she is smart. In fact, one of her classic experiments involves a situation where a child is given a fairly easy math problem. Half of the children are told, "Good job. You must be smart at this." The other half are told, "Good job. You must have worked really hard. One situation praises intelligence; the other praises effort. And guess what? Kids who were praised for effort (which fosters a growth mindset) were more likely to choose a difficult task later on, to persevere longer at that task, and to report enjoying the challenge more than kids who were praised for being "smart." The kids who were praised for being smart were also more likely to lie about their performance to a fictional peer.

Why? Because telling a child he or she is smart fosters a fixed mindset -- the idea that qualities such as intelligence are fixed traits. That talent alone creates success, not effort. You are either born with it or not. And if it doesn't come easy, then you must not be "smart" at it. The problem with this way of thinking is that it can work really well in the primary school years, when math might be easy for some kids. Then once math gets hard, what happens? You try to protect your label at all costs. So you don't want harder challenges and you might even lie to protect your fixed idea of intelligence.

But if you foster the idea that your basic qualities can be developed and improved through hard work and practice (aka, growth mindset), then when math gets difficult it just means you are learning something new. Challenges no longer mean you are not smart; they are just the starting point for growth.

And you know what? I think this teacher knew all this. I think he was nervous and said something he didn't really mean. (but, I did have a friendly conversation just to make sure :) His whole process each day is to start the kids off with a challenge. There are areas where he can improve, but hey, isn't that the beginning of learning?

I've just presented the basics here, but if you'd like a deeper dive into Carol Dweck and growth mindset, here are some links:

This is an older article that expands on the idea of growth mindset: How Not to Talk to Your Kids

And here's a more recent one that expounds on the new phenomenon of "false growth mindset" -- how we screw up growth mindset now that it's so popular to have it: How Praise Became a Consolation Prize