Our family's iRules

/

A few years ago, I came across Janell Burley Hoffman's iRules. Her exhaustive list of rules was a little daunting, but I liked the fact that she made it clear from the beginning that access to social media and having a phone are privileges, and that our kids need guidance, direction, rules, and consequences when they begin to navigate the world on social media.

Recently we gave our daughter a phone and adapted Hoffman's iRules so that our rules are organized around the principles and values we want our daughter to acquire rather than just a list of do's and don'ts. I'm sharing it here in case it can be helpful to others who are contemplating how to provide support and structure and safety as their kids enter the digital world.

Smith Family iRules 2.0

Congratulations! You must be thrilled! That makes us happy (and a little nervous). We have seen how responsible you've become and notice that you are ready for a phone of your own. For the sanity of our family and protection of your growing and curious mind, we think it is important to have some clear guidelines regarding how you use your time with this little electronic device. This is a work in progress, and we’re sure it will change and evolve over time, but these “rules” are all tied to important values in our family that won’t change. We hope you remember that the use of your iPhone is a privilege and that if its use creates conflict and anger in our family, that privilege will be taken away. So here are our guidelines for happy and healthy use of this lovely little gift…

You are yourself in person and in virtual/electronic life

  • Our hope for you is that you grow up to be kind, wise, and funny. Think about whether the time you spend on this device supports those goals.
  • Don’t say or do anything online that you wouldn’t do in person
  • Don’t post pictures or videos that you wouldn’t care if everyone in the world saw
  • Don’t post pictures of videos of others without their permission
  • This may change, but for now, review photos or videos with one of us before you post them
  • Be kind and polite

School, family, and fresh air are more important than this silly electronic device

  • We like you and want to see you and talk to you and play with you. There is not enough time in the day to be spending a significant amount with your head down. For now, school days: _ min; weekends: _ min.
  • If grades go down, so does access to your device
  • If sister or family time suffers, so does access to your device

Your safety and well-being are more important than this device

  • Don’t follow or be followed by anyone you don’t know IRL (in real life)
  • We will have your passwords if you want access to social media
  • We’ll discuss and review the social media accounts to which you want access
  • Tell us if something is happening online that upsets or scares you or makes you feel bad. We won’t freak out. I promise.

Agreed, this _ day of ____, 20_:

____________ Child

____________ Mom

____________ Dad