The Dark Side of Grit: Is it really the most important thing?

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“Perseverance is a principle that should be commendable in those who have judgment to govern it.” - Mark Twaina

I’ve spent a good deal of time looking at Grit. In previous posts in this series, I’ve looked at what it is, why it is important, and how to nurture it in our kids.

  1. Help! My child doesn't have grit
  2. The passion needed for grit comes from play
  3. The hard thing rule: Building the capacity for deliberate practice

But today I conclude this series with an acknowledgement that although grit is important — especially for the majority of the clients I see — it is not the most important thing we should consider when raising our kids. Humans are complex. And even though we may rank grit high on our list of valuable character qualities, it certainly doesn’t stand alone. Even Angela Duckworth, who finds grit so important she has dedicated her life to researching it, agrees that “grit is not the only thing I want my children to develop as they round the corner from childhood to maturity…greatness and goodness are different, and if forced to choose, I’d put goodness first.” (p. 273, Grit)

There is a dark side to grit. Pursuing grit to the neglect of other character qualities in our children could, as some have noted, turn them into “amoral jerks” or “unthinking automatons.” Policymakers can get on the grit bandwagon and point to the development of grit as the simple cure-all for complex social and economic problems endemic to low-income communities and schools. And researchers have only begun to examine whether too much grit can be a problem. The overwhelming focus has been to find gritty, successful people and then look at what they did right. What about all the gritty, unsuccessful or unhappy or disillusioned people? The datasets aren’t exactly set up to look at them. So let’s examine the downside of the relentless pursuit of grit.

Character trumps grit.

Grit is the striving toward a long-term goal over time. It requires passion and perseverance. But grit is not the most important aspect of one’s character. In terms of how people judge and evaluate others, moral character — being honest, fair, kind — trumps all other character qualities (Goodwin, 2015). We can all think of adults we know who are dogged in their approach to work but aren’t very fun to be around or tend to suck the life out of a room. Honesty and Kindness are the unsung heroes in the world of character, but Grit and Resilience often become the headliners.

When you consider moments of parenting pride, what is your child doing? Perhaps she is standing up to a bully at school or working hard to understand an Algebra problem. But maybe it is a moment of kindness — when he slows down so little brother can catch up or hugs a friend at the playground. These are all moments to savor and nurture as a parent, and I’ve found that they are most salient when a child whose temperament or natural tendency is softened or strengthened by a complementary attribute. When our tough son or daughter exhibits tenderness to others. Or our shy child decides to stand up for a cause she believes in. For some, a focus on grit may help bring out qualities that aren’t natural inclinations; but for others, a focus on kindness and generosity and patience may better fit the bill.

Grit can become the scapegoat for complex problems.

A second area where the research on grit has been over-applied is the world of education policy. Let's take a look at resilience research, which is closely tied to grit. Resilience research began among very high risk populations – kids who grew up during the Great Depression, or in very low income circumstances, or who faced great adversity during childhood. All of these situations would predict poor adult outcomes, but researchers were finding kids who grew up and beat the odds. They attained success in life despite a troubled upbringing. The focus in early resilience research was on what attributes these successful kids had that helped pull them out of poverty or change their life trajectory. The idea was that once you identify these attributes, you can help other kids by instilling those attributes in them.

There is at least one problem with this line of thinking. By focusing on the success of a tiny minority of cases, one refuses to address the complexities of living a life in poverty. As Ethan Ris argues in The Washington Post, the problem with teaching grit to poor kids is that they already have it! In his view, “romanticizing hardship” offers little value to those who are living in it and has the potential for harm. If resources are allocated to character education to the detriment of resources for skill- and knowledge-building, how will students ultimately succeed? Ris laments, “Sisyphus had plenty of grit, but it didn’t get him very far.”

You can have too much grit.

Speaking of Sisyphus — whose punishment for deceitfulness was to repeatedly roll a large boulder up a mountain, only to have it roll back down for eternity — it is surprising that the research on grit says very little about the impact of having too much grit. What about the grit displayed by Ted Kaczynski, who toiled over 17 years in his single-minded pursuit to live a life free of civilization and technology — oh, and also spread his message by sending 16 different bombs to people across the United States, injuring 23 people and killing three? And Hitler? He was a pretty gritty individual and we all know his legacy. If you lack the moral character or mental health to judge your actions, perseverance and passion can take you down a very dark path.

Duckworth, however, does little to acknowledge the downside of grit. “I’m certain most of us would be better off with more grit, not less. There may be exceptions — grit outliers who don’t need to be any grittier — but those exceptions are rare” (p. 273, Grit). I wonder how she came to that conclusion. The paragons of grit she examines — spelling bee champions, West Point cadets, NFL players — are outliers in terms of their success. Did she also look at gritty people who failed spectacularly? They are not that difficult to find. What about Enron executives? Or Elizabeth Holmes, the founder of Theranos, who was touted as a wunderkind only to be accused of over $700 million in fraudulent and exaggerated claims about her company? Or even gritty aspiring actors, writers, or artists who never made it? Their paths must be examined as well.

It is also important to examine other aspects of high-achiever’s lives. How do their personal relationships and friendships fare when they are single-minded in their pursuit of one goal? Are they kind and empathetic to others? These are important characteristics to consider when looking at a complex individual.

The few researchers who have examined the downside of grit find that grittier individuals often make irrational choices or pursue unsolvable problems longer than less-gritty individuals (Lucas et al., 2015). In another study, teenage girls who were not able to give up on a hard-to-reach goal showed increased levels of an inflammatory protein (CRP), which is linked with diabetes, heart disease and early aging in adults (Miller & Wrosch, 2007).

In sum, character is multidimensional and grit is an important — but not the only — dimension. In this instance, the wisdom of both Aristotle and Kenny Rogersb applies. Aristotle posited that too much or too little of many character traits could be a bad thing. For example, too little courage is cowardice, but too much courage can be folly. And of course, Kenny Rogers knew that “you’ve gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.” True wisdom comes when you can identify that tipping point when grit and perseverance are no longer beneficial for one’s well being.

Helpful resources:

aCredit to Gale Lucas for sharing this quote on her LinkedIn page. bCredit to Miller & Wrosch for their reminder.